Favorites

William--age 5 years, 3 weeks

Favorite color?  all the colors; blue
Favorite toy?  washmallow gun (marshmallow shooter)
Favorite fruit?  grapes
Favorite TV show?  Caillou; Berenstain Bears, Cwipper (Clifford)
Favorite snack?  M&Ms, animal crackers, pumpkins, candy corns
Favorite animal?  giraffe
Favorite drink?  He said, "Sprite--I meant chocolate milk."
Favorite cereal?  Cheerios
Favorite book?  Hadoween (Halloween) Curious George
Favorite song?  The Gummi Bear Song
Favorite holiday?  Cribsen (Christmas), Easter, Bowentines (Valentine's)
Favorite ice cream?  Beenida (Vanilla)
Favorite food to eat for lunch?  ham sandwich or turkey sandwich
Favorite food to eat for breakfast?  cereal
Favorite dinner on your birthday?  homemade pizza
Favorite thing to do outside?  play basketball
Favorite thing to take to bed at night?  Curious George stuffed animal
Favorite outfit?  Gummi Bear t-shirt and shorts
Favorite game?  The Chuck E. Cheese Game
What do you want to do when you grow up?  be a cowboy
Who is your best friend?  Hailey Kate

Bill and Stephanie sitting in a tree....

Guess what happened 16 years ago today?  I became Mrs. Bill Lee.  Our wedding ceremony was at the Sycamore View Church of Christ at 6 pm.  It seems like such a long time ago.  When I think about all that we have been through in this 16 years, it boggles my mind.  Inside jokes, communication issues, infertility, terminal illnesses, grief, depression, planned pregnancy, unplanned pregnancy, bankruptcy, surgery, apartment living, marriage counseling, funerals, vacations, home ownership, 4 cars, 3 trucks, 2 lawnmowers, new roof, new a/c, new windows, new water heater, school loans, countless dates, unemployment, no health insurance, weight loss, beautiful new ring, 2 fabulous children, loving families, extended separation from family, 18 months of morning sickness, loving friends, 2 sweet puppies, live Christmas trees, fake Christmas trees....the list is never-ending!  During all of these times, both good and bad, Bill has loved me, cared for me, provided for me and assured me that I would always be his and that he would always be mine.  The Lord has blessed me with the gift of you.

Happy Anniversary, Bill!  I love you with all my heart.  I could make it through all of the above, again, and much more with you by my side.

Learning Something New Everyday

A friend of mine has a little boy that just celebrated a birthday. She found a survey on pinterest of questions to ask your little one--so I decided to ask William those same questions. I found out so much about him in his sweet answers...some things I knew and some things were completely new! Here are his responses at age 4 years+.

Favorite color? red

Favorite toy? trains

Favorite fruit? fruit snacks(haha) and beenanas(news to me)

Favorite TV show? Curious George

Favorite snack? animal crackers(also news to me because almost everyday he eats pretzels and M&Ms)

Favorite animal? giraffes, elephants, and a bird

Favorite drink? Sprite, Diet Coke(really?) and chocolate milk

Favorite cereal? Cheerios and Frosted Flakes

Favorite book? Thomas and Buzz

Favorite song? The Gummi Bear Song(the one he is practicing everyday for his end-of-the year program at the preschool)

Favorite holiday? Cribsen(Christmas), Easter and Valentine's

Favorite ice cream? beenilla(vanilla) and the colorful one(he tried one that was green, blue and purple the other day and liked it)

Favorite thing to eat for lunch? heemut(peanut) butter crackers, raisins and dry cereal

Favorite thing to eat for breakfast? cereal

Favorite dinner to eat on your birthday? pepperoni pizza and chocolate cake

Favorite thing to do outside? ride a big bike, slide and do the monkey bars

Favorite thing to take to bed at night? big bwankie(blanket) and wittle bwankie(little blanket)

What do you want to do when you grow up? work like daddy

Favorite outfit? Buzz shirt and Superman shirt

Favorite game? Chuck E. Cheese Game and CandyLand

Who is your best friend? Hailey Kate(most definitely because he talks about her NON-STOP!)

This Is What I Know

CANCER...It is simply defined in Webster's Dictionary as a harmful growth on or in the body that may keep spreading and be fatal if not treated. Short and to the point, isn't it? What it doesn't say speaks volumes, though. That word--cancer--conjures up all manner of worry, dread, fear, pain, suffering, depression and weariness for me. The mere mention of the word has, at times in my life, made me physically sick. I have been struggling with why this disease seems to have my family in such a grip. I ask "Why me?" Then I settle down and think "Why not me?" I mean, really, why not me? I am no more special than anyone else.

One of the hardest things for me to come to grips with is that the world goes on. In the midst of all the running from here to there; trying to make time with your loved ones; making arrangements for final wishes; trying to explain to the children what you, yourself don't even have a good grasp of...everyone else is just going about their little lives like nothing has happened. And you know what? Nothing quite like what you have experienced has happened to most of them. And until something similarly dreadful has touched others, it is difficult to receive comfort from them because you think they have absolutely no idea what you are dealing with. They want to help in some way. People don't know exactly what to say or do. However, because of the frequency with which I have had to deal with this disease and the absolute carnage it leaves behind--I feel a bit more empathy or sympathy for others.

I know what it is to try everything possible to beat cancer. I know what it is to live through the awful sickness of chemotherapy and radiation and morphine and shots and pills and patches and wheelchairs and hospital beds and shower chairs. I know what it is to want to feed a loved one who does not want to eat anymore. I know what it is to think that if they would only eat they would feel better. I know what it is to pray and pray and pray for healing. I know what it is to stop praying. I know what it is to rest in the fact that others are praying because you don't know what to say to God anymore. I know what it is to watch fever take over a body. I know what it is to look into the eyes of a loved one and not see a speck of recognition. I know what it is to watch a loved one sleep and realize that you will have no more conversations with them. I know what it is to watch their chest to monitor their breathing. I know what it is to see bedsores appear. I know what it is to hear the doctors say there is nothing more that can be done. I know. I know what it is to call for hospice care. I know what it is to not want to leave the bedside of a loved one. I know what it is to have left--only to be called and told they are gone. I know what it is to be called and told to hurry and get there quickly. I know what it is to not make it. I know what it is to pick out clothes and flowers and songs and stories and caskets and cemetery plots and markers. I know what it is to write an obituary. I know what it is to stand at a casket for hours as friends and family come to pay their respects. I know. I know what it is to not remember if you have eaten or bathed or slept. I know what it is to hear a gun salute and swallow the lump in your throat when the bagpipes play. I know what it is to not want to leave the cemetery. I know what it is to have pictures developed and have your loved one in shots you had completely forgotten about. I know what it is to hear a loved ones recorded voice on an answering machine after they are gone; the stab of pain when you realize it's just a recording. I know what it is to drown in grief and despair and depression. I know what it is to get mail addressed to a lost loved one. I know what it is to have to explain to someone the whole story--weeks or months later because they haven't heard--and realize your heart has ripped open once again in the retelling. I know what it is when everybody goes home and you are left...wondering how you will ever go on. I know what it is to feel that everyone must think you should be over this by now. I know. I know what it is to have to call and inform every insurance agency and bank and business to let them know you have lost someone so precious only to hear them tell you to just send a copy of the death certificate. I know what it is to experience the "firsts" of everything without your loved one...holidays, birthdays, anniversaries. Oh my goodness....I know.

I know that the devil absolutely loves all of this.

But, even more than that, I also know that my God has carried me through it all. I know He knows how hard it is to be human. He knows it all. He knows about sickness and pain and loss. I know He was not and is not surprised by the devil's schemes. I know my God has not just walked beside me or with me--HE HAS CARRIED ME...all bloodied and bruised and beaten from the battle. I know He is still carrying me. Daily, I know He changes the bandages on my heart and soul. I know He is the Great Physician. I know He is my Lord and Savior...my Redeemer. I know He is the lifter of my head. I know that I want to forever rest in His arms. I know that I want to be continually washed in the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ. I know that I will, one day, walk the streets of glory with Him. I know He has placed just the right people in my life at just the right times in my life to love all over me! I know He will wipe every single tear that has poured from my eyes. I know He will silence every groan of desperation. I know that in the moment I meet Him face to face--nothing else will matter.

And, I know that cancer will be obliterated.

Oh, Lord! Come quickly!

Bill

My man is celebrating a BIG birthday today! Here are 40 reasons I love this guy...

he is a Christian
he is so good-looking I can't hardly stand it!
he loves me unconditionally
he is the greatest daddy to our children
he works hard

he still "dates" me
he opens doors for me
he smells good.....POLO! :)
he encourages me
he laughs with me

he hugs me a lot
he thinks I am beautiful
he provides for our family
he is respectful
he doesn't raise his voice

he gives me back rubs when I don't even ask
he has the prettiest eyes......hazel
he looks good with gray hair
he is a good friend
he loves his family

he likes to grill out
he holds my hand wherever we go
he prays with me
he has a tender heart
he lets me cry on his shoulder

he still kisses me with passion
he winks at me
he likes to just be with me
he is generous with his time......PTO, cookie booths, SVCC, etc.
he is striving to be a good example to everyone he comes into contact with

he remembers special days
he loves my family
he sends me flowers
he is getting healthy.....down 50 pounds! YAY you!
he likes to travel with me

he does not lose his temper
he makes me feel special
he really "gets" me
he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with
he is my best friend


Happy Birthday to You! Happy Birthday to You! Happy Birthday to my sweetie! Happy Birthday to You! And many more....

Overheard

I was sitting at the computer late yesterday afternoon. Bill was on the couch behind me reading a story to William. William said, "You know, you have to be good to go to Heaven." Then just a second later, he said, "That's what I'm tryin' to do." Precious...

Anybody?! Hello! Anybody there?

Where, oh where, are my friends who used to BLOG?
I long to see a new post from you people! I know you are out there!

Even Less of Me

I am singing the praises of Weight Watchers! At my weigh-in this morning, I had dropped another 4.4 pounds! That puts my total at 22.2 pounds! That is just amazing. I feel so good about myself. One thing that has made the biggest difference is PORTION SIZE! I am embarrassed to admit that the portion sizes I enjoyed before joining Weight Watchers were 2 to 3 times more than what I am eating now. That is just ridiculous. The weird thing is...I love food that is good for me. I love vegetables. I love fruit. But, I also love sweet, fatty things. And if you eat too much sweet, fatty things--you become sweet and fat!

I am learning more about myself. Stuff I never wanted to admit. I have been overweight pretty much my whole life. I am a food junkie. I like to eat. I like to celebrate with food. I have been every one's fat friend. I have never borrowed clothes from anyone. I did not go to my senior prom because I didn't have a date--because, even though I had tons of friends, no one wanted a fat date. And, that hurts me to this day.

I have decided that some things are just NWTP (not worth the points)! With Weight Watchers, it is always in the back of my mind--watch your portion size, watch your points. So, even if I blow it one day, I don't keep punishing myself, I just start new the next day. I am getting up on Monday-Friday and walking about 3 miles each day. That has made me feel really good. This week, I even jogged a few laps! WHAT!?! Plus, I have received compliments and encouragement from family and friends. Even when I cannot tell by looking in the mirror--I can tell that I am changing when I put my clothes on.

So, I will never give up. I have to get healthy. I want to enjoy this life I have with my family and friends.